Our Highness was very excited to sing in public. She's very brave before going in she said to me she was scared and afraid not be able to perform well, to which I answered do the best you can, sing your lungs out and have fun doing it. After the concert, it still resonated in my head : are we pushing Our Highness (un-)consciously ? I had no idea I was giving mixed messages such as the phrase be the best you can be was somehow a mantra for having fun and being competitive. Competitiveness is not per se bad unless it leads to arrogance.
I remembered one day she failed a test at music school, she was down and she said to me she wasn't good enough, the other kids got the question right. I never thought she had that competitive streak and she was gauging her ability by comparing with peers. She said You tell me to be the best. (What have I done!)
I'm always very positive and my definition of a leader is not always someone who's winning (contradictory?!), it's someone who tumbled, failed but always stands up, every time fastest than previously. Moreover, we can not be good at everything, each has his/her own strength and skills develop at different paces. The important thing is not try to outshine others but to focus on own accomplishments and be proud for every step we take to get the closest to the goal.
As perfectionist, I used to focus on the main results instead all the steps to get to the goal, even sometimes not even bother to do when I already know the disappointing outcome. As times passes, this tends to disappear. I do rather the opposite, I'm taking risks even sometimes don't even know how to get to the goal or ever reach it. I'm raising my kids to have self-esteem and confidence, surely not at others' expenses. I'm raising them to feel empowered enough to be themselves.