In such fast-paced and performance-based society, procrastination is the worst enemy.
Managing time and optimize productivity were my constant struggle. Moreover, I haven't managed to find the 1st condition order of the following equation : "running after time+never-ending to-do lists+stress=my daily life".
With time passing and me aging, priorities shift : I'm more focused on personal projects than professional with a feeling of discomfort and guilt. This leads me to think that performance is a concept that is so deeply integrated in my education and in my personality, that is everything is unrelated to work is considered distraction from the main goal : achieve.
I am scared, sad and above all I feel powerless. I want a job (yep! still jobless), I want to "fit in" in that society while this same society is rejecting me and pushing me to the edge. Nobody likes to be rejected. Well ... better focus on the brighter side : I spend quality time with the kids and my DH is taking out to fancy restaurants. Today, I enjoy an Earl grey tea while watching a tutorial on how to crochet a granny square blanket. Job search has to wait.